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Managing Emotions
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Discover effective techniques for managing emotions in golf, including awareness, breathing exercises, and sensory awareness, to enhance mindfulness and emotional control on the course.
In this video, I discuss techniques for managing emotions, especially in the context of golf. I emphasize the importance of becoming aware of my emotions, observing them, and sitting with them rather than avoiding them. I suggest techniques like box breathing, physiological sighs, and contract-relax exercises to help me manage my emotions. Additionally, I recommend sensory awareness exercises like tree tracing with my breath. These exercises aim to improve my mindfulness and help me handle my emotions more effectively on the golf course.
Video Transcript
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All right, golfers, let's talk about managing emotions.
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So let's be clear off about I am not a sports psychologist.
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I'm just a golf nerd who studies a lot and does meditation and has read a few
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books on
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managing emotions and found some techniques that I find helpful.
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But if you find some of these to be helpful, I would investigate some of their
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origins.
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So maybe read some books or hire a mental coach who can help you deal with
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handling your
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emotions.
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Golf is one of those sports where getting jacked up, getting kind of mentally
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to a high intensity
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doesn't usually lead to increased performance.
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Maybe if you're only doing long drive, but if you're playing the full game, you
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've got
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to learn how to handle getting frustrated, getting upset, getting embarrassed,
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getting
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nervous, any of those.
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So I've read a number of books on kind of managing emotions or dealing with
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emotions
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and they all share a common theme.
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And the common theme for handling emotions is start by kind of labeling it or
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becoming
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aware of it.
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We'll go through a little bit more process here at the end.
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But basically, I'm going to label and identify that feeling.
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So let's say I'm standing on the tee and I see out of bounds left and the old
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thoughts
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like don't hook it, comes into play, and I start to feel kind of a tension
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growing in
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my chest.
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I want to become aware of it, so I'm going to label this the don't hook feel.
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And then I'm going to observe where it is in my body.
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So for me, it might be in my chest, it might be in my lower back, it might be
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in my neck.
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You're going to kind of identify this.
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And we'll go through a quick version of this exercise at the end where the more
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you practice
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it, the more you will be able to do this within a couple breaths rather than a
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few minutes.
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So you're going to observe the feeling and you're just going to kind of sit
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with it,
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shine a light on it, pay attention to it, breathe into it.
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And just by kind of not avoiding it, what happens is by observing it, it
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decreases its
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severity over, like I said, a few breaths.
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And before you know it, you'll be able to move on, you'll be able to go ahead
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and execute.
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You still might hit a bad shot, but at least you'll be doing so with the skill
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of being
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able to handle that emotion.
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Okay, so some additional tools as far as handling emotions can either come from
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breathing or
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kind of contract relaxing or doing things that help your body take your mind
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away from
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the future thinking.
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So one phrase is that anxiety is when your mind is caught in the future,
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worrying about
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things that would happen, depression is when you're caught in the past thinking
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about things
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that have happened.
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I'm going to mess up again, that's a little buff, but one of the ways to get
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yourself
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out of an emotional rut is by focusing on the present.
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And the present is filled with sensations.
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So for example, here with the sensory awareness, we'll see in the next little
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exercise, but
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paying attention to, well, what am I feeling?
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Scanning my body, body scans are great for this.
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What am I hearing?
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What am I seeing?
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What am I tasting?
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What am I smelling?
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Those are your big five senses.
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And by paying attention to what's actually happening, it kind of gives your
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mind something
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to focus on instead of ruminating about what could go wrong.
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So a couple other, the top three there are some common skills that I'll just
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pass on.
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If you, again, if you like them, I would either look on YouTube or higher coach
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in your area
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and go through some more.
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So box breathing is classically described as a seals technique for controlling
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the heart
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rate during high intensity activities.
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And it's called box breathing because basically you're going to breathe in,
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then hold your
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breath, breathe out, then hold your breath, and you're going to make each one
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of those
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sides of the box the same length of time.
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So typically four seconds is kind of a great starting point, but you could do
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less or more.
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So four second in would look something like breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold
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.
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So it was four seconds in, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds,
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hold
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for out.
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It's something that I think you should practice because I've seen people start
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to get dizzy
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or feel lightheaded as they get an increase in oxygen, like you want to know
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how your
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body is going to respond, but hopefully that kind of helps calm you or prevents
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you from
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getting kind of a racing.
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The next one is even easier, it's called a physiological sigh, and it's
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categorized
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by a double inhale with a full exhale.
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So it's breathe in, and then breathe in, and then full exhale.
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And usually just doing one of those, especially if you've practiced it, makes
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your body a
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little less, it makes it more parasympathetic, so it makes it a little bit less
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high overload,
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high stress overload.
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So that's one of the things you'll see animals like dogs do a lot after they've
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run around
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and are super jacked up.
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So it's a really simple kind of brain hack for quieting an overly active mind.
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The next one I like is the contract to relax, again this is something that you
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can do a
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full head to toe, it takes about 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how long you're
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doing,
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but basically what you're going to do is tense the body part for 5 seconds and
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then relax
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it for 10.
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And when you tense it, you want to tense it hard, but if you're new to this,
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work your
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way up to it, I've actually seen people hurt themselves from tensing too much,
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so instead
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of going from 0 to 100, I'm going to tense my fist, and I'm going to start,
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here I am
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at 0%, now I'm going to go 10, now 20, now 30, now 40, now 50, I don't want to
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go much
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higher, we're at 80, 90% I'm really tense, I'm going to hold it for 5 seconds,
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4, 3,
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2, 1, and then relax.
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And what I want to pay attention to is what does it feel like there when I
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relax?
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So now when I'm getting ready to hit the shot, maybe I can do just a real quick
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one
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of contract and relax, or this actually has a few minute carryover, so I could
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do it walking
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to my ball, I don't have to do it during part of my pre-shot routine, I could
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do it in between
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shots.
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And some of the common places I find are really helpful are tensing the hands
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and forearms
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because those are one, basically the ones you want to tense are the places you
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want to
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be able to relax.
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So being able to tense the hands, the shoulders, the upper back, I tend to find
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the most helpful,
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so a lot of people kind of get tense and like shrug their shoulders and get
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kind of stiff
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over the ball like that.
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So by doing a little bit of a shrug with shoulder blades pulled back, for again
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gradually building
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it up until I'm holding it pretty tight and then relaxing, I'll feel the
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shoulders kind
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of drop and that's a little bit better kind of relaxation or depressed shoulder
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feel which
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will improve our posture as well as your rhythm and kind of fluidness.
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So we looked at the five different senses, we'll talk that.
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And then the last one is tree tracing with your breath, so we'll pretend we've
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got a
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few kind of happy trees as they used to say.
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And they're usually at different heights kind of like this, right.
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So what I would do is as I'm walking, I'm going to use my eyes, you don't have
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to use
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your finger, but basically I'm going to trace with my eyes the tops of the
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trees.
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And it's best done if I can do it with a steady breath.
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So it's best done, I'll pretend there's some trees behind the cameras and with
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my eyes
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I'm going to be going, and I'm just doing some steady breathing and I can do
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this wall
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walking from my shot.
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It's a little harder to do when you're in the cart, the moving is going to make
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it a
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little less effective, but if you're using a push cart or carrying your bag,
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this can
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be a great way to kind of relax in between shots, especially if you tend to
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store some
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of your stress more visually.
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And I do recommend adding this to a journal if you're a good player and you
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keep a journal
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as far as the swing thoughts that are working for you, I think you should keep
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track of
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your stress reduction or emotional management techniques as well.
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Okay, so now let's go through a little exercise as far as kind of that basic
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description we
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have here.
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Become aware of the feeling, observe the feeling, stay with it, let it run its
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course.
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So there's a number of different systems, the one I'm going to go through is
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the ACT
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or the ACT system presented in the books by Russ Harris, the Happiness Trap,
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the Confidence
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Gap, things like that.
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He's got a few good books, but it's a very, like the overall approach, I guess
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I probably
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read half a dozen books related to the topic and they all seem to have this
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theme of just
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mindful awareness, sit with it and observe it until it diminishes and I've
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taught it to
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students and it seems to be very helpful.
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So the guideline here, I'll talk you through it and we'll go pretty quickly.
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So this would be like just scanning the body, like I'm not necessarily having a
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feeling,
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but I'm probably going to find some as I go through.
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So hopefully you're sitting slightly erect, not kind of like slouching in your
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chair, but
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you want your feet flat, maybe hands on your lap or hands on your belly and
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chest would
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be a good one as well.
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First, you're going to pay attention, where are your feet?
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What position are your legs in?
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I'll add little extras, like do you have any tension in your legs?
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What is the position of the spine?
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Is it leaning forward or backward?
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Where does it curve?
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How are you breathing?
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Don't try to change it, but are you breathing shallowly, more deeply, rapid,
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slowly, more
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in your chest, more in your stomach, more in your back?
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Where are you breathing?
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As you breathe in, does your tummy move inward or outward?
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Is your back resting against something?
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If so, notice what area your back is in contact with the sporting surface.
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See if you can feel different areas of your back.
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Again, the whole process here is trying to get you more sensory.
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What is the shape of the area that's in contact with the chair?
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What are the position of your arms, even though I told you where to put them?
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Where is the tension in your arms?
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Can be another good one.
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What can you feel in your neck and shoulders?
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Is there any tension or discomfort?
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Do they feel rounded?
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Do they feel relaxed?
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Are they shrugged?
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Are they depressed?
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Are they tense?
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What are you feeling?
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What is your body temperature?
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Is it the same throughout your body?
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Do you feel hot?
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Do you feel cold?
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Which part of you feels the warmest?
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Which part of you feels the coolest?
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Oftentimes, it could be your feet and hands, or it could be your core.
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You notice the air on your skin.
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Part of breathing awareness, mindfulness is feeling the air move through your
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nostrils
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and down your throat.
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Can you feel the air as it's moving?
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How does the inside of your mouth feel?
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Is it wet?
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Is it dry?
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Is it warm?
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Is it cool?
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Where is your tongue resting?
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Is it touching your teeth?
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Ideally, the resting point is slightly behind your teeth, but where is your
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tongue?
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So now, we just talked about some ideas.
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And now you're going to take 20 seconds to scan your body from head to toe and
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notice
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any stiffness, tension, pain, or discomfort.
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Take another 20 seconds to scan your body from head to toe and notice if there
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is any
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pleasant or comfortable sensation.
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I'd describe that as more of a feeling of openness or length with stability.
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Don't feel any urge to change what you're paying attention to, or the position,
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even
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slightly, but by shifting a leg or an arm or even just a finger.
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So notice the urge, but don't act on it yet.
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Just notice that you want to change something in your posture.
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Your body will want to move, then move it, and see how the sensation changes.
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So first, notice, then move.
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Are you noticing any urge to eat, sleep, rest, drink, scratch?
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That one, I would say, is a little bit less relevant when you're on the golf
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course, but
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it can be useful when you're doing these little body scans.
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So again, just getting used to these body scans to get awareness of your body
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will help you
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when you identify a motion.
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So I'll walk you through the emotional version right now, takes about a minute
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or so.
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So first, I'm going to have you close your eyes, and I want you to think of an
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emotion
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that caused a mild annoyance.
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So maybe somebody cut you off in traffic, maybe you were in an elevator with
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somebody
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who was loud on their cell phone, and you felt a mild annoyance, whatever it
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might be.
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First step, I want you to, your eyes are closed, I want you to try to identify
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in your body
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where you feel it, is it in your head, is it in your throat, in your neck, in
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your chest,
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your abdomen, in your back, in your glutes, or your groin, is it in your knees,
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or your
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feet?
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Where do you feel it?
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And then try to observe, almost put a light on it and see, is it firm, is it
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soft,
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is it squishy, is it sharp, does it have a temperature, is it hot, is it cold,
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pay attention
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to it, is it moving, is it static, is it solid, is it fluid, and now that you
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've kind of paid
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attention to it, you could give it a little label, like frustration, and then
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you can
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breathe into it, and as you breathe into it, you're going to imagine that
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emotion getting
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engulfed by the air, or by the light you're shining on it, like that you're
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mentally
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paying attention to it, and hopefully by now, just by paying attention to it,
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the intensity
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of what you felt at the beginning when we started, when you first paid
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attention to this feeling,
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and now hopefully it's decreased a little bit.
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But with practice, you will be able to get it to decrease, and that's a skill
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that you
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want to be able to call upon, when you're getting ready to hit a shot, and oh
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my gosh,
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all of a sudden I don't feel comfortable, you want to be able to just sit with
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that fear,
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give it a second, let it pass, and then get ready to hit the shot, the worst
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thing you
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can do, people either speed up, like they don't want to feel it, so they just
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rush up
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and hit, and then they hit a bad shot, or they slow down, and you can figure
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out your
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pattern, usually you'll do one way more than the other.
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So again, this is not an exhaustive list, but gives you a few ideas on how you
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can handle
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uncomfortable emotions when you're playing golf.
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By discovering how to counter your uncomfortable, or attack your uncomfortable
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emotions with
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a helpful strategy, it'll give you a much better chance of bringing your range
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gain
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to the course.
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All right, golfers, let's talk about managing emotions.
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So let's be clear off about I am not a sports psychologist.
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I'm just a golf nerd who studies a lot and does meditation and has read a few
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books on
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managing emotions and found some techniques that I find helpful.
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But if you find some of these to be helpful, I would investigate some of their
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origins.
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So maybe read some books or hire a mental coach who can help you deal with
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handling your
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emotions.
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Golf is one of those sports where getting jacked up, getting kind of mentally
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to a high intensity
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doesn't usually lead to increased performance.
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Maybe if you're only doing long drive, but if you're playing the full game, you
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've got
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to learn how to handle getting frustrated, getting upset, getting embarrassed,
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getting
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nervous, any of those.
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So I've read a number of books on kind of managing emotions or dealing with
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emotions
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and they all share a common theme.
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And the common theme for handling emotions is start by kind of labeling it or
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becoming
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aware of it.
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We'll go through a little bit more process here at the end.
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But basically, I'm going to label and identify that feeling.
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So let's say I'm standing on the tee and I see out of bounds left and the old
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thoughts
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like don't hook it, comes into play, and I start to feel kind of a tension
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growing in
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my chest.
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I want to become aware of it, so I'm going to label this the don't hook feel.
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And then I'm going to observe where it is in my body.
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So for me, it might be in my chest, it might be in my lower back, it might be
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in my neck.
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You're going to kind of identify this.
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And we'll go through a quick version of this exercise at the end where the more
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you practice
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it, the more you will be able to do this within a couple breaths rather than a
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few minutes.
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So you're going to observe the feeling and you're just going to kind of sit
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with it,
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shine a light on it, pay attention to it, breathe into it.
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And just by kind of not avoiding it, what happens is by observing it, it
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decreases its
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severity over, like I said, a few breaths.
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And before you know it, you'll be able to move on, you'll be able to go ahead
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and execute.
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You still might hit a bad shot, but at least you'll be doing so with the skill
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of being
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able to handle that emotion.
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Okay, so some additional tools as far as handling emotions can either come from
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breathing or
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kind of contract relaxing or doing things that help your body take your mind
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away from
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the future thinking.
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So one phrase is that anxiety is when your mind is caught in the future,
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worrying about
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things that would happen, depression is when you're caught in the past thinking
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about things
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that have happened.
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I'm going to mess up again, that's a little buff, but one of the ways to get
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yourself
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out of an emotional rut is by focusing on the present.
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And the present is filled with sensations.
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So for example, here with the sensory awareness, we'll see in the next little
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exercise, but
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paying attention to, well, what am I feeling?
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Scanning my body, body scans are great for this.
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What am I hearing?
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What am I seeing?
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What am I tasting?
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What am I smelling?
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Those are your big five senses.
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And by paying attention to what's actually happening, it kind of gives your
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mind something
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to focus on instead of ruminating about what could go wrong.
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So a couple other, the top three there are some common skills that I'll just
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pass on.
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If you, again, if you like them, I would either look on YouTube or higher coach
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in your area
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and go through some more.
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So box breathing is classically described as a seals technique for controlling
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the heart
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rate during high intensity activities.
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And it's called box breathing because basically you're going to breathe in,
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then hold your
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breath, breathe out, then hold your breath, and you're going to make each one
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of those
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sides of the box the same length of time.
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So typically four seconds is kind of a great starting point, but you could do
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less or more.
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So four second in would look something like breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold
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.
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So it was four seconds in, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds,
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hold
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for out.
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It's something that I think you should practice because I've seen people start
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to get dizzy
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or feel lightheaded as they get an increase in oxygen, like you want to know
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how your
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body is going to respond, but hopefully that kind of helps calm you or prevents
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you from
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getting kind of a racing.
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The next one is even easier, it's called a physiological sigh, and it's
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categorized
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by a double inhale with a full exhale.
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So it's breathe in, and then breathe in, and then full exhale.
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And usually just doing one of those, especially if you've practiced it, makes
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your body a
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little less, it makes it more parasympathetic, so it makes it a little bit less
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high overload,
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high stress overload.
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So that's one of the things you'll see animals like dogs do a lot after they've
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run around
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and are super jacked up.
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So it's a really simple kind of brain hack for quieting an overly active mind.
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The next one I like is the contract to relax, again this is something that you
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can do a
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full head to toe, it takes about 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how long you're
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doing,
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but basically what you're going to do is tense the body part for 5 seconds and
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then relax
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it for 10.
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And when you tense it, you want to tense it hard, but if you're new to this,
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work your
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way up to it, I've actually seen people hurt themselves from tensing too much,
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so instead
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of going from 0 to 100, I'm going to tense my fist, and I'm going to start,
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here I am
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at 0%, now I'm going to go 10, now 20, now 30, now 40, now 50, I don't want to
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go much
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higher, we're at 80, 90% I'm really tense, I'm going to hold it for 5 seconds,
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4, 3,
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2, 1, and then relax.
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And what I want to pay attention to is what does it feel like there when I
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relax?
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So now when I'm getting ready to hit the shot, maybe I can do just a real quick
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one
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of contract and relax, or this actually has a few minute carryover, so I could
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do it walking
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to my ball, I don't have to do it during part of my pre-shot routine, I could
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do it in between
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shots.
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And some of the common places I find are really helpful are tensing the hands
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and forearms
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because those are one, basically the ones you want to tense are the places you
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want to
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be able to relax.
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So being able to tense the hands, the shoulders, the upper back, I tend to find
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the most helpful,
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so a lot of people kind of get tense and like shrug their shoulders and get
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kind of stiff
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over the ball like that.
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So by doing a little bit of a shrug with shoulder blades pulled back, for again
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gradually building
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it up until I'm holding it pretty tight and then relaxing, I'll feel the
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shoulders kind
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of drop and that's a little bit better kind of relaxation or depressed shoulder
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feel which
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will improve our posture as well as your rhythm and kind of fluidness.
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So we looked at the five different senses, we'll talk that.
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And then the last one is tree tracing with your breath, so we'll pretend we've
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got a
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few kind of happy trees as they used to say.
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And they're usually at different heights kind of like this, right.
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So what I would do is as I'm walking, I'm going to use my eyes, you don't have
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to use
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your finger, but basically I'm going to trace with my eyes the tops of the
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trees.
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And it's best done if I can do it with a steady breath.
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So it's best done, I'll pretend there's some trees behind the cameras and with
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my eyes
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I'm going to be going, and I'm just doing some steady breathing and I can do
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this wall
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walking from my shot.
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It's a little harder to do when you're in the cart, the moving is going to make
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it a
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little less effective, but if you're using a push cart or carrying your bag,
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this can
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be a great way to kind of relax in between shots, especially if you tend to
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store some
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of your stress more visually.
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And I do recommend adding this to a journal if you're a good player and you
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keep a journal
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as far as the swing thoughts that are working for you, I think you should keep
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track of
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your stress reduction or emotional management techniques as well.
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Okay, so now let's go through a little exercise as far as kind of that basic
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description we
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have here.
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Become aware of the feeling, observe the feeling, stay with it, let it run its
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course.
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So there's a number of different systems, the one I'm going to go through is
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the ACT
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or the ACT system presented in the books by Russ Harris, the Happiness Trap,
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the Confidence
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Gap, things like that.
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He's got a few good books, but it's a very, like the overall approach, I guess
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I probably
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read half a dozen books related to the topic and they all seem to have this
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theme of just
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mindful awareness, sit with it and observe it until it diminishes and I've
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taught it to
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students and it seems to be very helpful.
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So the guideline here, I'll talk you through it and we'll go pretty quickly.
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So this would be like just scanning the body, like I'm not necessarily having a
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feeling,
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but I'm probably going to find some as I go through.
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So hopefully you're sitting slightly erect, not kind of like slouching in your
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chair, but
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you want your feet flat, maybe hands on your lap or hands on your belly and
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chest would
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be a good one as well.
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First, you're going to pay attention, where are your feet?
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What position are your legs in?
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I'll add little extras, like do you have any tension in your legs?
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What is the position of the spine?
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Is it leaning forward or backward?
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Where does it curve?
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How are you breathing?
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Don't try to change it, but are you breathing shallowly, more deeply, rapid,
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slowly, more
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in your chest, more in your stomach, more in your back?
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Where are you breathing?
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As you breathe in, does your tummy move inward or outward?
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Is your back resting against something?
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If so, notice what area your back is in contact with the sporting surface.
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See if you can feel different areas of your back.
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Again, the whole process here is trying to get you more sensory.
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What is the shape of the area that's in contact with the chair?
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What are the position of your arms, even though I told you where to put them?
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Where is the tension in your arms?
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Can be another good one.
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What can you feel in your neck and shoulders?
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Is there any tension or discomfort?
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Do they feel rounded?
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Do they feel relaxed?
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Are they shrugged?
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Are they depressed?
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Are they tense?
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What are you feeling?
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What is your body temperature?
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Is it the same throughout your body?
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Do you feel hot?
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Do you feel cold?
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Which part of you feels the warmest?
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Which part of you feels the coolest?
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Oftentimes, it could be your feet and hands, or it could be your core.
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You notice the air on your skin.
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Part of breathing awareness, mindfulness is feeling the air move through your
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nostrils
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and down your throat.
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Can you feel the air as it's moving?
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How does the inside of your mouth feel?
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Is it wet?
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Is it dry?
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Is it warm?
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Is it cool?
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Where is your tongue resting?
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Is it touching your teeth?
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Ideally, the resting point is slightly behind your teeth, but where is your
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tongue?
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So now, we just talked about some ideas.
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And now you're going to take 20 seconds to scan your body from head to toe and
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notice
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any stiffness, tension, pain, or discomfort.
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Take another 20 seconds to scan your body from head to toe and notice if there
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is any
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pleasant or comfortable sensation.
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I'd describe that as more of a feeling of openness or length with stability.
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Don't feel any urge to change what you're paying attention to, or the position,
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even
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slightly, but by shifting a leg or an arm or even just a finger.
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So notice the urge, but don't act on it yet.
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Just notice that you want to change something in your posture.
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Your body will want to move, then move it, and see how the sensation changes.
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So first, notice, then move.
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Are you noticing any urge to eat, sleep, rest, drink, scratch?
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That one, I would say, is a little bit less relevant when you're on the golf
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course, but
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it can be useful when you're doing these little body scans.
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So again, just getting used to these body scans to get awareness of your body
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will help you
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when you identify a motion.
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So I'll walk you through the emotional version right now, takes about a minute
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or so.
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So first, I'm going to have you close your eyes, and I want you to think of an
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emotion
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that caused a mild annoyance.
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So maybe somebody cut you off in traffic, maybe you were in an elevator with
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somebody
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who was loud on their cell phone, and you felt a mild annoyance, whatever it
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might be.
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First step, I want you to, your eyes are closed, I want you to try to identify
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in your body
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where you feel it, is it in your head, is it in your throat, in your neck, in
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your chest,
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your abdomen, in your back, in your glutes, or your groin, is it in your knees,
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or your
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feet?
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Where do you feel it?
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And then try to observe, almost put a light on it and see, is it firm, is it
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soft,
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is it squishy, is it sharp, does it have a temperature, is it hot, is it cold,
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pay attention
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to it, is it moving, is it static, is it solid, is it fluid, and now that you
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've kind of paid
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00:14:09.860 --> 00:14:15.100
attention to it, you could give it a little label, like frustration, and then
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00:14:15.100 --> 00:14:15.420
you can
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00:14:15.420 --> 00:14:19.760
breathe into it, and as you breathe into it, you're going to imagine that
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00:14:19.760 --> 00:14:20.980
emotion getting
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engulfed by the air, or by the light you're shining on it, like that you're
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00:14:24.810 --> 00:14:25.420
mentally
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00:14:25.420 --> 00:14:31.090
paying attention to it, and hopefully by now, just by paying attention to it,
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00:14:31.090 --> 00:14:32.100
the intensity
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of what you felt at the beginning when we started, when you first paid
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00:14:35.140 --> 00:14:36.980
attention to this feeling,
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00:14:36.980 --> 00:14:39.740
and now hopefully it's decreased a little bit.
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But with practice, you will be able to get it to decrease, and that's a skill
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that you
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want to be able to call upon, when you're getting ready to hit a shot, and oh
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my gosh,
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00:14:48.980 --> 00:14:53.050
all of a sudden I don't feel comfortable, you want to be able to just sit with
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00:14:53.050 --> 00:14:55.220
that fear,
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give it a second, let it pass, and then get ready to hit the shot, the worst
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thing you
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00:15:00.460 --> 00:15:03.420
can do, people either speed up, like they don't want to feel it, so they just
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rush up
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00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:09.320
and hit, and then they hit a bad shot, or they slow down, and you can figure
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out your
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00:15:10.020 --> 00:15:12.820
pattern, usually you'll do one way more than the other.
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So again, this is not an exhaustive list, but gives you a few ideas on how you
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00:15:17.300 --> 00:15:18.020
can handle
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uncomfortable emotions when you're playing golf.
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By discovering how to counter your uncomfortable, or attack your uncomfortable
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emotions with
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a helpful strategy, it'll give you a much better chance of bringing your range
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00:15:31.580 --> 00:15:31.940
gain
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00:15:31.940 --> 00:15:34.900
to the course.
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